Priorities For Our Children

This weekend I had a mother say to me that in high school all the children are expected to be in all the clubs and on all the sports teams at the school. She said in high school one of their classes is study hall, just to do their daily homework because they have activities from 7:30 am till 7-8pm at night! We live in a small town and the total population of our school, grades Pre-K thru 12th is 150. Am I the only person in the world that sees a problem with this?? She also had the audacity to make the statement that "several kids have tried to move into our school, but don't get into all the activities and are therefore completely excluded and friendless." Am I the only person that finds this completely insane!!?? And then people wonder what is happening to our country and morals! Her philosophy is that it looks good on a resume.

That is all well and good, however, what is the goal of life? To get a high paying position, title and wealth? Or is it to get into Heaven? To be an obedient servant of God's? To love God and your neighbor? Where in all this business. busyness and pushing for the top position is God? As parents, it is our responsibility to our children, and to God, to teach them the virtues and priorities to be successful in this life, AND THE NEXT! How are we to do this, if we don't even see our kids? Kids should be taught to TRY new things, but it is not expected of them to be the best in ALL things. We are all given special talents and abilities by God, and it takes time to discover and nurture these talents so that we can use them for God. In order to discover what your talents are, and what God is wanting from your life, you must have QUIET, STILL hours in the day. If we want our children to develop virtues and morals they need to spend more hours a week with people who are demonstrating these virtues and morals, and who are willing to listen and talk with them openly about these morals and virtues. Who are these people? THEIR PARENTS! Family time needs to be a priority on a DAILY basis. Remember.. it is quantity time that leads to quality time.

Do you honestly think that all these so called friends, who are by definition, trying to best you in clubs and sports, going to give you the loving guidance, support, and trust, that parents are supposed to? Nope.

Sports are supposed to be a fun way to play with our friends and get some exercise; they are not a definition of our lives. Clubs and organizations are supposed to help us develop the interests and talents that we have, and a way for us to serve our community using those talents; they are not there as a "who can do the most" contest. We can not do everything or anything ourselves. We are dependent on God. Our relationship with Him is the priority of our lives, and our children's. We develop this relationship by spending time with Him. God doesn't want us to do everything. He has a specific job for each of us, not ALL of the jobs, that is why we are communities of lots of people, each of whom as a special place and ability to help the community.

If we exclude and shun people who "don't keep up" will we recognize God if he knocks on our door?

Things to think about..  

Another Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom

I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chou last week. I had heard a lot of discussion and controversy over it, and as a Mom who reads all the raising kids and discipline books I can find, I just had to read it. I am always on the hunt for ways to help my children become what I dream for them, and ways to give them the tools they will need to succeed in life.

I will admit that I believed her hypothesis before I even started "That Asian (Chinese) kids are harder working and more disciplined then Western (American) kids"; I went into it looking for pointers! It was a great read with a moving storyline and interesting situations. She was so brutally honest and open about how she was raising her daughters, the daily happenings, and how her family felt/dealt with it. It only took two evenings to read, which is a great length for busy mothers, another plus!
The way that she was successful at raising two high achieving daughters is that she pushed them to their best at all times, and was their mentor, spiritual director, teacher and coach. Though not a Christian, as I was reading, several Bible verses kept coming to mind. "Speak to your children of the way in the morning, in the noontime, and in the evening, and when they are old, they will not part from my ways." Along with several of the Proverbs that deal with working hard, patience and perseverance. If a child brought home even a B, they were given extra work and drills over the missed items. They were kept on a strict schedule of school work first, hobbies second, and those hobbies were chosen for them as toddlers (musical instruments). They were made to practice hours a day/weekend with lessons. Which brought to mind another saying that I often hear during the Olympics and while watching child prodigies "The more you practice, the easier you can makes things look!" She often told her daughters that they were better than B grades, and her daughters, as I believe all children would, believed it, and therefore learned to push themselves to higher levels, with her tutoring and encouraging; which brings me to another highly accepted parenting theory. That parents are the biggest influence on their children, and that all kids will imitate their parents spiritual and worldly virtues and morals from watching their example. The more time and effort parents put into forming their kids, the better the results they will see. Something that she was able to see with her second daughter. As a young teenager, her younger daughter quit the violin to persue tennis. While her mother disagreed with her decision, she was able to watch her daughter put into practice, on her own, the time, practice and commitment levels that she had pushed on her musically earlier in her life.

For this.. it takes more than an hour or two a day! Contrary to what several "experts" will tell you, it is quantity, not quality that counts when it comes to children; and failure on a child's part IS a reflection on the parents.

One point that I will disagree with Mrs. Chou on is the play dates and sleepover bans. Though I will say these should be a once/twice a year indulgences, not every weekend occurrences, they should be allowed to happen. These are opportunities for our children to put into practice on their own, the virtues and morals we have handed to them. We cannot completely protect our children from the world, and these small occurrences are circumstances for our children to make the right decisions on their own without us watching, they are also a glimpse of other peoples habits, virtues and morals, for our children to notice, and judge on.

I am recommending this book to all parents and grandparents. And as with all advice, take from this book that which will help you, and leave the rest.