I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chou last week. I had heard a lot of discussion and controversy over it, and as a Mom who reads all the raising kids and discipline books I can find, I just had to read it. I am always on the hunt for ways to help my children become what I dream for them, and ways to give them the tools they will need to succeed in life.
I will admit that I believed her hypothesis before I even started "That Asian (Chinese) kids are harder working and more disciplined then Western (American) kids"; I went into it looking for pointers! It was a great read with a moving storyline and interesting situations. She was so brutally honest and open about how she was raising her daughters, the daily happenings, and how her family felt/dealt with it. It only took two evenings to read, which is a great length for busy mothers, another plus!
The way that she was successful at raising two high achieving daughters is that she pushed them to their best at all times, and was their mentor, spiritual director, teacher and coach. Though not a Christian, as I was reading, several Bible verses kept coming to mind. "Speak to your children of the way in the morning, in the noontime, and in the evening, and when they are old, they will not part from my ways." Along with several of the Proverbs that deal with working hard, patience and perseverance. If a child brought home even a B, they were given extra work and drills over the missed items. They were kept on a strict schedule of school work first, hobbies second, and those hobbies were chosen for them as toddlers (musical instruments). They were made to practice hours a day/weekend with lessons. Which brought to mind another saying that I often hear during the Olympics and while watching child prodigies "The more you practice, the easier you can makes things look!" She often told her daughters that they were better than B grades, and her daughters, as I believe all children would, believed it, and therefore learned to push themselves to higher levels, with her tutoring and encouraging; which brings me to another highly accepted parenting theory. That parents are the biggest influence on their children, and that all kids will imitate their parents spiritual and worldly virtues and morals from watching their example. The more time and effort parents put into forming their kids, the better the results they will see. Something that she was able to see with her second daughter. As a young teenager, her younger daughter quit the violin to persue tennis. While her mother disagreed with her decision, she was able to watch her daughter put into practice, on her own, the time, practice and commitment levels that she had pushed on her musically earlier in her life.
For this.. it takes more than an hour or two a day! Contrary to what several "experts" will tell you, it is quantity, not quality that counts when it comes to children; and failure on a child's part IS a reflection on the parents.
One point that I will disagree with Mrs. Chou on is the play dates and sleepover bans. Though I will say these should be a once/twice a year indulgences, not every weekend occurrences, they should be allowed to happen. These are opportunities for our children to put into practice on their own, the virtues and morals we have handed to them. We cannot completely protect our children from the world, and these small occurrences are circumstances for our children to make the right decisions on their own without us watching, they are also a glimpse of other peoples habits, virtues and morals, for our children to notice, and judge on.
I am recommending this book to all parents and grandparents. And as with all advice, take from this book that which will help you, and leave the rest.
I will admit that I believed her hypothesis before I even started "That Asian (Chinese) kids are harder working and more disciplined then Western (American) kids"; I went into it looking for pointers! It was a great read with a moving storyline and interesting situations. She was so brutally honest and open about how she was raising her daughters, the daily happenings, and how her family felt/dealt with it. It only took two evenings to read, which is a great length for busy mothers, another plus!
The way that she was successful at raising two high achieving daughters is that she pushed them to their best at all times, and was their mentor, spiritual director, teacher and coach. Though not a Christian, as I was reading, several Bible verses kept coming to mind. "Speak to your children of the way in the morning, in the noontime, and in the evening, and when they are old, they will not part from my ways." Along with several of the Proverbs that deal with working hard, patience and perseverance. If a child brought home even a B, they were given extra work and drills over the missed items. They were kept on a strict schedule of school work first, hobbies second, and those hobbies were chosen for them as toddlers (musical instruments). They were made to practice hours a day/weekend with lessons. Which brought to mind another saying that I often hear during the Olympics and while watching child prodigies "The more you practice, the easier you can makes things look!" She often told her daughters that they were better than B grades, and her daughters, as I believe all children would, believed it, and therefore learned to push themselves to higher levels, with her tutoring and encouraging; which brings me to another highly accepted parenting theory. That parents are the biggest influence on their children, and that all kids will imitate their parents spiritual and worldly virtues and morals from watching their example. The more time and effort parents put into forming their kids, the better the results they will see. Something that she was able to see with her second daughter. As a young teenager, her younger daughter quit the violin to persue tennis. While her mother disagreed with her decision, she was able to watch her daughter put into practice, on her own, the time, practice and commitment levels that she had pushed on her musically earlier in her life.
For this.. it takes more than an hour or two a day! Contrary to what several "experts" will tell you, it is quantity, not quality that counts when it comes to children; and failure on a child's part IS a reflection on the parents.
One point that I will disagree with Mrs. Chou on is the play dates and sleepover bans. Though I will say these should be a once/twice a year indulgences, not every weekend occurrences, they should be allowed to happen. These are opportunities for our children to put into practice on their own, the virtues and morals we have handed to them. We cannot completely protect our children from the world, and these small occurrences are circumstances for our children to make the right decisions on their own without us watching, they are also a glimpse of other peoples habits, virtues and morals, for our children to notice, and judge on.
I am recommending this book to all parents and grandparents. And as with all advice, take from this book that which will help you, and leave the rest.
