Celebrating the Birth of Christ

Advent and Christmas was a very busy and blessed time in our family this year, as I pray it was in yours! As the hustle and bustle and worry that we parents put ourselves through each season, it becomes hard to keep a calm home atmosphere, and a focus on Jesus through the season. Here is how our family celebrated; hopefully this will give you some ideas on how to keep your season focused on Christ, also!

Remember that it is the little things that kids remember the most. Think back to your own memories of Christmas, what is it that you remember the most? The big expensive presents, or the smell of the Christmas tree, or setting out the cookies for Santa? At the start of Advent, think about what memories you want your children to have as adults, and let this guide your decisions on what to include and what not to include in your celebrations.

1. We have an Advent wreath that we use as a centerpeice on our table, and we light the candles on Sunday nights at dinner.
2. Buy Jesus birthday presents first. Each year at Christmas Eve mass, the kids bring "Jesus" presents to donate to the local shelter or charity. I admit that this sometimes overlooked as my kids start their wish lists back closer to Halloween! But a goal!
3. Do a Jesse Tree instead of a traditional Advent Calendar. We made our out of construction paper and hung it on the wall when we took down our Thankfulness Tree. Here is a link to free coloring pages of the ornaments.
4. Don't put baby Jesus' statue in the Nativity set until Christmas Eve.
5. Let the 3 Wise men "travel" the house till Epiphany on their way to our Lord. I recommend using a cheaper Nativity set, as our good ones have lost fingers and fringes off their cloaks, from their travels. The kids love this! Every day the Wise men appear in different places throughout the house, and "arrive" at the Nativity set on Epiphany!
6. Celebrate St. Nicholas Day, December 6th. This year we celebrated by watching Veggie Tales St. Nicholas episode, and coloring pages of St. Nick dressed with mitre.
7. In honor of Jesus recieving three presents for Christmas, the kids also, each get three presents for Christmas. Plus Santa's present, plus grandparents, godparents, aunts & uncles, etc. It really cuts down on the greediness of the I want this, and I want this, and ooohh.. look at this! And makes them really look and contemplate what they truly want!
8. Have the kids help clean out the house, closets, toys, cabinets, and make a big donation to charity. This also helps prepare the house and their rooms for all their new presents!
9. Always carry change for the Salvation Army bell ringers when you go out.
10. Send a care package to a random soldier stationed oversees for the holidays. Here is a site that gives out addresses: AnySoldier 
11. Bake sugar cookies together as a family with Christmas music playing in the background. I must say, my husband really gets into this one! Even Frog can roll out dough with help and cut and sprinkle cookies, make it fun!
12. Participate in the Christmas celebration at your Parish.
13. Don't forget to write Thank you notes for the presents!

Taking Part in the Education of Our Children Part 1

As a parent our priority, after food, clothing, and shelter, is the education of our children. It is our responsibility to educate them, and form them into self-confident, self-reliable, virtuous adults who can take care of themselves, others, and the world.

For those of us who chose not to home school our kids, it can be easy to get into the habit of taking a backseat to their education, letting the teachers take the main role. This can be very detrimental. Teachers are very influential, as much if not more than their peers. What if their teacher one year has opposite priorities and beliefs as you?

The trick is to start early, even before they can walk and talk, they are influenced and affected by your actions, priorities and beliefs. You are their primary example by your actions. I will talk more of this in Part 2; for this part I will focus on academics and the school.

If you are in the habit of just making sure your 5th graders homework is done, it is not too late!

Start with the easy things:

1.  Talk around the dinner table about what your kids are learning in school, not just about their day. What subject are they studying in history, what concept are they working on in math, what book are they reading as a class. Asking more direct questions makes your child recall more about their day, and lessons the teacher taught then the open ended.. what did you do today? Usually this just gives you who did what at recess! This helps build self confidence that what they do matters to their parents, they are important. It also helps build memory and the ability to recall information. 
2. A second big thing you can do is make homework and grades a priority. Set expectations. For example in our house, we expect at least an 85 or higher in each subject on their report cards. Reward your child for their grades. My kids get a dollar for each A on a report card, each 100 on a test, and for any paper I determine has beautiful handwriting with no misspelled words. This gives them incentive to take things seriously, and to put in more effort on their own, building self-confidence, self-reliance, and a work ethic.
3. Talk with your child's teacher once a month. Just a moment conversation while picking your kid up, a phone call, or after the PTA meeting will suffice. This does not need to be a full sit down parent teacher conversation. Simply ask three questions. How is my child doing with their work? Is there anything they are doing especially well, or anything they may need some extra help with? How is my kid getting along with the others? This also lets your kids know that their school lives, and education are important to you, and that you are willing to do what it takes to help them succeed. This also helps put your kid foremost in the teachers mind. Knowing that you are a parent that checks in, they pay more attention to what your kid is and is not doing, making your kid a priority to them. This is especially important when they are in larger classes and schools! (Taking Control of Your Child's Eduction; I don't recall who wrote it and what year, I just remember reading it!)
4. Help your kid make a homework schedule. Get them a planner and show them how to fill it out, the more organized they are, the less late or last minute crises occur. Help make them a homework schedule. For example, if they have a spelling test every Friday, then the schedule could be write your words three times a piece Monday-Wednesday nights, and on Thursday night, give them a pre-test, and have them write the ones they missed three times a piece. Remember to include all subjects, and outside activities. They follow a schedule during the school day, so the habit of following a homework schedule comes easily to them. This also builds self-reliance and organizational skills.
5. Make sure they have a good place to study. A clear kitchen table with a pencil box, or a full desk in their rooms. At our house each kid has their own drawer in a plastic storage cabinet to keep all their completed assignments, flashcards, and notebooks, etc.

A few more time consuming things to do:

1. Check over your child's homework papers each night. Do they need to re-check a math problem, or do they have a misspelled word or bad punctuation on an essay. Be sure you are just a pre-grader, or editor, and you are not doing the work yourself. You don't need to know all the answers, though if you help enough, you'll catch on as well. I have even been known to make a kid re-write an entire assignments because the handwriting is so bad. If the teacher can't read it, they'll count it wrong!
2. Help your child study for their upcoming test. Help them make flash cards, help them look up answers to study questions, drill them on their spelling words, help come up with mnemonic devices. Teachers always give at least a weekends notice to all tests. This is where the planner comes in real handy as well.. a little bit each night is better then cramming two hours the night before.
3. Have your child read to you for at least 20 minutes a night. Either out of a textbook or another book they are reading. If your child can't read yet, read them at least three books a day. Also, let them see you reading for fun. Talk to your kids about the books they are reading, have them recap the story, ask them the main characters, who is their favorite character. Challenge them to read a non-fiction book each grading period.
4. Attend all their events, and/or help out in their classrooms as room mothers, go on their field trips, attend all PTA meetings, volunteer at school events. This not only reinforces the fact to your child that their education is important, but it also makes you and your child stand out in the school. You become known as an involved parent to the other teachers as well. This also gives you insight into your child's school dynamic, and you get to know the other students as well. It is tradition that I volunteer for field day. It is so exciting to see all the other children's faces light up as you cheer for them, along with your own child.
5. Nurture their interests and hobbies. Let them take those piano lessons or be on the soccer team. Cheer for them, help them practice; and when the going gets tough don't let them quit right away. Set a time that they must at least try their best. Make them finish the season, and just not play the next if it turns out to not be their thing. This lets them see first hand that quitters never succeed, and sometimes sticking it out, they will get better and not want to quit.

These things wont necessarily make your child a star A student, but it will cut down on the bad grades, and you will be able to see more clearly your kids strengths and weaknesses. It will be important not to condone the bad grades that do come home. You will have first hand knowledge that they put in the time and effort. It is an opportunity for your child to learn how to accept failure, and that they wont always be good at everything; in an environment that is out of the public eye, and loving and understanding. Making it easier to fail in more of a public way such as at a sports game or job, and still be able to carry on. Doing these things now will also help your child be more independent as they get into high school when you can take a step back and watch them continue on their own. They will also be more prepared to stand on their own at college.

This also goes for their religious education. Look at their CCD or Sunday School projects and papers, be a volunteer for them, volunteer to teach a class, look for ways to point out in everyday events what they are learning in Religion. Say their prayers with them. All holidays are religious, and have just become secularized. Bring back the religion in your home. Make a Happy Birthday Jesus banner instead of a Merry Christmas one, give lambs instead of rabbits for Easter, allow them to do advent calendars, and nativity sets. Take the time to look up the religious background to other holidays such as St. Patrick's Day, and Valentine's Day, and even Halloween. Help them make craft projects, print out coloring pages, read stories, make special traditions that go along with the religion behind the holiday.

Priorities For Our Children

This weekend I had a mother say to me that in high school all the children are expected to be in all the clubs and on all the sports teams at the school. She said in high school one of their classes is study hall, just to do their daily homework because they have activities from 7:30 am till 7-8pm at night! We live in a small town and the total population of our school, grades Pre-K thru 12th is 150. Am I the only person in the world that sees a problem with this?? She also had the audacity to make the statement that "several kids have tried to move into our school, but don't get into all the activities and are therefore completely excluded and friendless." Am I the only person that finds this completely insane!!?? And then people wonder what is happening to our country and morals! Her philosophy is that it looks good on a resume.

That is all well and good, however, what is the goal of life? To get a high paying position, title and wealth? Or is it to get into Heaven? To be an obedient servant of God's? To love God and your neighbor? Where in all this business. busyness and pushing for the top position is God? As parents, it is our responsibility to our children, and to God, to teach them the virtues and priorities to be successful in this life, AND THE NEXT! How are we to do this, if we don't even see our kids? Kids should be taught to TRY new things, but it is not expected of them to be the best in ALL things. We are all given special talents and abilities by God, and it takes time to discover and nurture these talents so that we can use them for God. In order to discover what your talents are, and what God is wanting from your life, you must have QUIET, STILL hours in the day. If we want our children to develop virtues and morals they need to spend more hours a week with people who are demonstrating these virtues and morals, and who are willing to listen and talk with them openly about these morals and virtues. Who are these people? THEIR PARENTS! Family time needs to be a priority on a DAILY basis. Remember.. it is quantity time that leads to quality time.

Do you honestly think that all these so called friends, who are by definition, trying to best you in clubs and sports, going to give you the loving guidance, support, and trust, that parents are supposed to? Nope.

Sports are supposed to be a fun way to play with our friends and get some exercise; they are not a definition of our lives. Clubs and organizations are supposed to help us develop the interests and talents that we have, and a way for us to serve our community using those talents; they are not there as a "who can do the most" contest. We can not do everything or anything ourselves. We are dependent on God. Our relationship with Him is the priority of our lives, and our children's. We develop this relationship by spending time with Him. God doesn't want us to do everything. He has a specific job for each of us, not ALL of the jobs, that is why we are communities of lots of people, each of whom as a special place and ability to help the community.

If we exclude and shun people who "don't keep up" will we recognize God if he knocks on our door?

Things to think about..  

Another Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom

I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chou last week. I had heard a lot of discussion and controversy over it, and as a Mom who reads all the raising kids and discipline books I can find, I just had to read it. I am always on the hunt for ways to help my children become what I dream for them, and ways to give them the tools they will need to succeed in life.

I will admit that I believed her hypothesis before I even started "That Asian (Chinese) kids are harder working and more disciplined then Western (American) kids"; I went into it looking for pointers! It was a great read with a moving storyline and interesting situations. She was so brutally honest and open about how she was raising her daughters, the daily happenings, and how her family felt/dealt with it. It only took two evenings to read, which is a great length for busy mothers, another plus!
The way that she was successful at raising two high achieving daughters is that she pushed them to their best at all times, and was their mentor, spiritual director, teacher and coach. Though not a Christian, as I was reading, several Bible verses kept coming to mind. "Speak to your children of the way in the morning, in the noontime, and in the evening, and when they are old, they will not part from my ways." Along with several of the Proverbs that deal with working hard, patience and perseverance. If a child brought home even a B, they were given extra work and drills over the missed items. They were kept on a strict schedule of school work first, hobbies second, and those hobbies were chosen for them as toddlers (musical instruments). They were made to practice hours a day/weekend with lessons. Which brought to mind another saying that I often hear during the Olympics and while watching child prodigies "The more you practice, the easier you can makes things look!" She often told her daughters that they were better than B grades, and her daughters, as I believe all children would, believed it, and therefore learned to push themselves to higher levels, with her tutoring and encouraging; which brings me to another highly accepted parenting theory. That parents are the biggest influence on their children, and that all kids will imitate their parents spiritual and worldly virtues and morals from watching their example. The more time and effort parents put into forming their kids, the better the results they will see. Something that she was able to see with her second daughter. As a young teenager, her younger daughter quit the violin to persue tennis. While her mother disagreed with her decision, she was able to watch her daughter put into practice, on her own, the time, practice and commitment levels that she had pushed on her musically earlier in her life.

For this.. it takes more than an hour or two a day! Contrary to what several "experts" will tell you, it is quantity, not quality that counts when it comes to children; and failure on a child's part IS a reflection on the parents.

One point that I will disagree with Mrs. Chou on is the play dates and sleepover bans. Though I will say these should be a once/twice a year indulgences, not every weekend occurrences, they should be allowed to happen. These are opportunities for our children to put into practice on their own, the virtues and morals we have handed to them. We cannot completely protect our children from the world, and these small occurrences are circumstances for our children to make the right decisions on their own without us watching, they are also a glimpse of other peoples habits, virtues and morals, for our children to notice, and judge on.

I am recommending this book to all parents and grandparents. And as with all advice, take from this book that which will help you, and leave the rest.

Re-discovering Integrity

A wonderful article about teaching children integrity. As parents this is one of our most important tasks, next to teaching them to love God, love others, and to serve others; which is impossible without integrity. With integrity we achieve full responsibility for ourselves, high maturity, and virtuous lives.


Re-discovering Integrity

Making Decisions for the Greater Good

Sometimes in life you have a moment happen, almost without you realizing what is happening till it has happened. I am talking about the kind of moments that shock you down to your core and make you stop in your tracks realizing how far from your goals and morals and ethics you have just unknowingly strayed. These moments create an atmosphere to make what most would proclaim as a very hard decision, a very easy one to make after all! My husband and I had a moment as we were watching TV, a favorite show of ours, and heard one of the main people, someone we both looked to for encouragement and direction, say something so far from what it not only means to be a Catholic, but a Christian in general. And then to realize that our 9, 6, and 4 year old just heard it also. We reflected and discussed later the impact this statement may have on our kids, and the Bible verse came to my mind where Jesus is telling the people "If your eye causes you to sin, then gouge it out, of your right arm causes you to sin, then it is better to cut it off". We took a long hard look at the shows we were watching on TV, and what the kids were watching. Not they were all bad, as EWTN is the main channel our TV tuns into. I had already previously banned shows after reviewing with my daughters (ages 9 and 6) about how the characters behave and dress, and how they are with or against how God wants us to. So Hannah Montana and the like were quickly agreed all around to go, long before this incident. How easy it is to see someone else's habits as wrong before we see them in ourselves. My husband and I agreed to simply turn off our TV subscription. It has been a month, and not to worry, we are all okay! We are all reading more, playing together more, getting along easier, and getting chores done more quickly. The "I wants" are getting fewer also with the subtraction of all those commercials! I am not saying that everyone has to turn off their TV's, but I am saying you may want to evaluate what you are watching, and ask yourself, is this in accordance with the 10 commandments and, what deadly sins are these characters committing, and how are these shows forming my personality and idea of how I should be living my life!

Pray this next week, and following weeks; for graces and guidance in determining you and your family's TV viewing habits, and critically evaluate what is and is not bringing you closer to God, and to each other. Then pray for the grace and determination to make the changes.

Showing God Respect

Another aspect to keeping God as your number one priority is to respect Him. By this, I mean several things, first is to do your best to follow the 10 commandments without complaining, and to apologize when you fail. Honor the Pope and ALL of the Church's teachings and doctrines as directives from God Himself, because they are. Recognizing that the rules handed down by the Church are rules handed down from God for your own good. They are there to help you stay on the narrow path to sainthood. Remember this truth: individual people are imperfect sinners, but the Church is infaliable in it's doctrine's. Jesus himself makes sure of it, He has promised it, and He never fails to fulfill His promises!

Other practical and small ways to respect God is to not take the Lord's name in vain. The phrase "Oh my God" is one that is in way to wide a use these days. It is one thing to say it in response to shocking and devastating news, another when you are gossiping or mocking someone! Being faithful to God in the smallest matters, makes it easier to be faithful in the largest ones.

Another important way to show God respect is dressing and behaving appropriately at mass, and other Church related functions. You wouldn't wear flip flops and jeans to meet the president, therefore you should not wear them to feast with Jesus! The proper attire for attending mass is dresses for women and girls that are at least knee length, and that do not show the bust, back or shoulders; and dress pants (slacks or khaki's) for men and boys with at least a nice polo shirt if not a button-front shirt with tie. Also mind your shoes are clean and appropriate for the clothing choice. It is also still customary, to show humility before God, for women to wear a mantle, and it is inappropriate for ladies to cross their legs during mass. You should sit with your knees together and feet tucked under the pew. I get so angry when I see people, especially the alter helpers and song leaders wearing tank tops and flip flops. That is disgusting! Proper mass behavior is to follow the local Parish customs of when to sit, stand and kneel, to sing the songs, to shack hands, to listen to the readers and Homily with proper eye contact and mental focus, to bow before approaching the alter and Eucharist, and to not talk before and during mass. Before mass is to be used for inner reflection and to prepare yourself for receiving the Lord. During mass, all the angels are prostrated in prayer and awe, the least you can do is not chit chat about where to go for lunch afterwards!

It is also your responsibility to teach your children to do these things as well. If they are taught from the beginning what is appropriate dress and behavior they will grow into teen-agers and adults who respect God. Dress your kids correctly and teach them to behave properly right from the start. For my kids I have them following along, doing all motions by the end of first grade.

On Having Babies

The objectives of the marriage vocation are 1. To help lead your spouse to sanctity. 2. To cooperate with God in the procreation of new life (to have kids!) 3. To raise up new souls for Heaven. A call to the marriage vocation, is a call to be parents. As a Catholic you are to be open to getting pregnant at all times, unless serious reasons not to exsist. The serious reason is that a pregancy holds a high risk factor for the mother's death, while there are still young children at home to care for. The size of your house, the model and year of your car, your education level and financial status's are NOT reasons to prevent or postpone pregnancy.

Therefore, we must spend time talking about having babies. When you get married, and say your vows, one of them is that you will be open to new life, and are willing to raise children. The Catholic Church's position on contraception is that it is evil. It removes God from the center of your marriage, where He should be. Using contraception in my view is like spitting in Jesus' face! When you take that pill or shot, or whatever you use, you are saying to God "I want what I want, when I want, and I don't trust you or care about you; only me at this moment in time!" This is what contraception says in the spiritual realm. Tubal ligations and vasectomies are worse. They are mortal sins due to the fact they are self-mutalation.

Health wise, all forms of contraception are very harmful to women, and to men. Let's visit a few of the main ones used today, and the common side effects, short and long term. There are literally hundreds of books and resources that have published all of this material. I will take excerts and statistics from the 4th Edition of the Art of Natural Family Planning, because that is what I happen to have on hand this morning to refer to easily. The number one form of birth control used in the USA today is abortion. In 2003 26.4% of abortions where committed by married women. Besides the FACT and TRUTH that abortion at ANY day of a pregnancy is murder, they also cause unmeasreable amount of grief, remorse and depression in both the woman and man involved in the killing. Abortion is also linked to breast cancer. If you have even 1 abortion your chances of getting breast cancer doubles! It is also makes it harder to get pregnant when you want to, the misscarriage rate increases. Also, side effects and birth defects in future children have been reported. There is also a high risk of dying yourself, from the killing of your child. If you have had an abortion, please take the opportunity for Mercy and forgiveness given to you by Jesus, and go to confession. He WILL have mercy on you, and He WILL forgive you. Then, I would like to direct you towards Rachel's Vinyard.org.

The pill. All forms of the pill, as well as the Depo shot, and Norplant implants are in their roots, chemical abortifacients. These chemicals cause suppression of ovulation, thicken the cervical mucus (making it hard for sperm to get through) and makes it harder for the baby to attach to the endometrium. The pill's also affect the Fallopian tubes and Corpus luteum. In 2003 research estimated that 25% of ovulations that women had while on the pill resulted in pregnancy and subsequent early abortion. Of all the women on the pill, that estimates to 1,945,800 babies every YEAR aborted by the pill. That is higher than the surgical abortion rate. The pills are also linked to breast caner, cervical cancer, liver tunors, heart attacks, brain hemorrhage, strokes, and blood clotting defects. Also, it is linked to having trouble concieving when you are ready, depending on how long you used it, it may take years for your body to heal itself.

 But, how does this effect men, and the rest of the world whether or not you choose to take the pill. We share the same water supply. Just like taking all medications, the chemicals (such as the abortifacants and estrogen hormones) are excreeded when you use the restroom. They then travel to the water supply. Most water treatment plants do not have the capabilities to clean these chemicals from the water, therefore they travel back to homes in tap water. And are consumed by women, men, and children. These chemicals and hormones are starting to show their effects on the rest of society. Young girls are starting their peiods at earlier and earlier ages. Boys and men are showing higher estrogen levels in their systems leading to lower testosterone levels and sperm counts. These conditions, especially in males can lead to self confusion, and depression. I don't think that I am stretching it here, to say that this is linked to the high rates of infertility and homosexuality, and suicide in the United States. I would also like to add a sentence about these products being pushed on women in third world countries, and the lack of doctors and hospitals in their areas capable of handling all the side effects.

Barrier methods include condoms, caps, diaphragms, foams, jellies, sponge, spermicides. Though these items have less serious health risks to the man and woman using them, they are also very ineffective, I believe at last count 95%; and have serious side effects for the baby and future babies. They double your risk of miscarriages in the first three months then other women. They have (especially while used in conjuntion with spermicide) also been linked to birth defects, and preeclampsia. There is also a high risk of having an allergic reaction or developing toxic shock syndrome. Withdrawl is extremely ineffective, and just flat out not worth it to the man, and the woman involved.

Tubal Ligations and Vasectomies: Though not highly publicized, Post-Tubal Ligation or Post-Sterilization Syndrome is very common. Some symptoms are unterine bleeding, more painful periods, pain during intercourse, and pelvic pain. Many of these symptoms lead to having to have a hysterectomy. You may also have an ecoptic pregnancy. Both tubals and vasectomuies are not 100% effective! Ecoptic pregnancies end in the death of the baby, and maybe the mother if not treated soon enough. There are high surgical risks, especially when done within 14 days of giving birth. Women have died from cardiac failure, wounds of the bowels, bladder, and large blood vessals. These are cause by inflating the abdomen with nitrous oxide to perform the surgery, intra-abdominal explosions have occured. So why not let you husband just have a vasectomy? Because it CAUSES prostate cancer.

So what can Catholic's do when there is a grave reason not to get pregnant. I am just now starting to learn this. At the birth of my third child in 2005, I was told my uterious was thin. At the birth of my fourth child in 2008, my doctor told me that my uterious was paper thin, and that if I was to get pregnant again, I have a high chance of miscarriage or hemorrage which may lead to my death if not treated quickly. For us, for the first time in our marriage, we are having to deal with prevention. There are three approved methods of pregnacy prevention and delaying in the Catholic church. The first is abstinence, the second in Natural Family Planning (NFP), and the third is breastfeeding. All of these methods are natural, they work with the bodies normal functioning. Abstinence is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective. There has only been one case in all of human history when a woman practicing abstinence got pregnant. Mary is a glorious exception, and you are not her! Breastfeeding, besides being the best food for your baby, and the best way for your body to heal after childbirth, will naturally space children about 2 years apart. I breatfeed all 4 of my kids for their first year, and I did not ovulate until they were weaning; though there are some women who do. There is also prayer. Since I learned the news of my uterus, I have been praying for God to heal me. He wants to know your concerns and thoughts on all matters of your life, including your motherhood and fatherhood. Talk to Him, and he will listen, but in the end, you must TRUST in Jesus, that he knows what is best for us. Remember He can see past and future, He knows more than we do.

NFP is a method of charting not only your daily waking temperatures, but it is also observing external and internal signs that you are ovulating. This method asks that you abstain during the 7-14 days of the month that pregancy is likely to result. You learn these from your charts. NFP is also the best method for people who are struggling with infertitly to achieve pregnancy, by not abstaining these 7-14 days. There are textbooks, classes, and groups to help you learn. NFP is a lifestyle, not a medicine! Some resources for you are available at ccli.org.

The Partnership of Marriage

In every partnership there is a leader, and there are sub-committee leaders, and there are the helpers. In the marriage God is the leader, President, and CEO; the husband is the head sub-committee leader, the Vice President, the supervisor of the committees; the wife is also a sub-committee leader, and a supervisor. It is good to sit down together and actually plan out who is going to lead which areas of the life before getting married. If you didn't, that's okay, now is as good a time as any!

Order of business number one is to both agree that you will refer all decisions to God. Sometimes this means praying together, sometimes seperately and reporting back. What we must remember, especially when trying to make a large decision such as moving to another state, or whether or not to homeschool your kids, is that both you and your spouse are trying to decern what is best for your family. There should be love, respect, and open ears. It IS okay not to make a large decision in one talking session!

Husbands have the directive from Paul  in Ephesians 5:21-33 "to love your wives as Christ has loved you." This should be your thought as you make the final decision in any matter, big or small. Out of love springs respect and compassion. Remember a leaders foremost concern is the well-being and personal growth of those he is in charge of. A great leader listens well to those around him and seeks guidence from above. A great leader also knows his own strengths and weaknesses, and also of the other is his group so he can best determine who is sub-committee leaders in the different areas. Some big committee's in a marriage include prayers and prayer times, purchases, bill payment, meals, home maintenence, and the daily care and education of the children. These may be govern by you, or deligated to your wife depending on her strengths and weaknesses and yours. Some you may wish to work together on. My husband and I work together on prayer times, and purchases. We both determined which prayers are important to us on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis; and have implemented them. We say grace before every meal, and bedtime prayers as a family. We each try to say a rosary a day. I also say morning prayers with the children, and the Divine Mercy chaplet in the afternoon. My husband also leads different prayers through the months and seasons in our home; including one in the car before we take a trip together. The children especially like these. We also work together on home maintenance. I do the daily cleaning and organizing, and he does lawn care and repairs. He has also deligated a few items to me; such as bill payment, meals and daily care of the children. Some of these items will naturally flow to committees on their own without much thought and discussion, however, if you do not discuss with your wife that you expect her to keep the house clean, she may become resentful that it always falls on her shoulders. If she knows that this is a job you would like for her to do for the betterment of the marriage she will more gladly take the roll. Husband: pray for your wives daily that they may grow in love for God, and have the strength and knowledge to deal with the dealings of the day.

Wives; know that Jesus put men in charge of the marriage to reflect the order of Heaven on earth. Jesus is the bridegroom in the marriage of Christ and the Church, and the Church is his spouse as you are your husbands. Love your husband, treat him with dignity and respect as a loving leader of his family, and as provider for you and your children. Do this, and he will love you, and treat you lovingly and with respect. Care for his home and children as you would for Jesus himself. It is the little things that we women are so great at seeing, and it is the little things that husband's miss seeing, but sense; and when we care for these it gives them peace. One of the best pieces of advice that my mother gave me was to clear a path through the living room, and wash the kids' hands and faces before your husband gets home from work. Also, teach your children to stop what they are doing for a minute and greet their dad when he comes in the door. This will create a haven that he will want to flock too after a long day of dealing with the world. Another important thing to know is what bugs your husband the most. On days when you or the kids are sick, or there just happens to be 5 events in one day, know what one or two things that your husband puts as most important to be done when he gets home. For my husband, it is to have the bed made. Wives: Pray for your husbands daily, that they may grow in love of God, and have the strength and knowledge to deal with the dealings of the day.

Each sub committee in the marriage can also include the children as they reach different ages. They are perfect opportunities to teach them discipline, character, and value as they help with younger siblings, doing household chores, and even balancing a checkbook and shopping prudently. Give them the advice you have from your experiences and your situation, and they will remember when they are husbands and wives.

It was a long day today. Had to run errands to get ready for my son's second birthday tomorrow, and get some bills paid, stopped at a couple garage sales, and even hung around outside playing with the kids. Spring is finally here in the upper midwest and I am itching for some fresh air. The trees are showing some buds. It always amazes me how the world is ordered to toward God. The world reflects Him everywhere we look. That is, if we take the time to look and see. My schedule is about to get hectic with all the end of the school year events and all the birthday's, celebrations, and plans being made. Today I sat back and reflected on the why's in my to-do list; though not all of my list was accomplished. it is good to know the why of what you are doing. What goal are you reaching for; what are you making your priority, what are you reflecting to others as your values, what are you teaching your children by your actions. It is either in Deuteronomy or Leviticus, it escapes me right now; but there is a line that says "Talk with your children in the morning, in the noon, and in the evening, about the way they should go, and when they are old they will follow." I get from this that it is quantity, not quality time that people and children need to truly know and understand the lessons that you are teaching them. Through quantity, you get quality; especially at the swingsets..

God Instituted Marriage

Genesis 2:20-24

"The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved to be the suitable partner for the man. So the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up it's place with flesh. The Lord God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." That is why man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them shall become one body."

Men and women were created to be partners. Partners not only in cooperating with God to create new life, but to be partners on their journey through life. Husbands and wives are responsible for helping each other to determine the truth, follow the commandments, determine the right path in the situations, for growing closer to God, and ultimately for the sanctification of each other's souls. This is a tall order that should not be entered into lightly, hence the creation of the marriage vocation. It is a lifetime commitment, for richer or poorer, sickeness and health.

God knew it was not good for man to be alone. That we need each other, and especially a partner who we can trust not only to keep us company, or to serve us, but above all to help us achieve. He knew this so well that he even provided it for His own Son. God did not need Joseph to bring Jesus to the world. But He knew that Mary, great that she was, would need Joseph to help her to raise Jesus, and to grow to become the woman who was able to watch her son be beaten and crucified, and to become Queen of Heaven. Mary and Joseph both filled different, but equally important roles in their union. It was a hard time when Joseph obeyed the Angel and took Mary into his home as his wife, even in her condition. It was a decision of love, to love.

This requires a high degree of love. Love is what will bind you together in the hard times as well as the good times. Without love the good times are bad, and the bad times are hell. We must remember that love is not only a feeling, but it is a choice. We can choose to love our spouse, just as we choose to love God and follow Jesus. Jesus gave us the commandment to love, saying it is the greatest commandment. We are to love one another as Jesus loves his bride, the Church, and Jesus loves the Church more than we can fathom; and He has loved her through good times and bad throughout history.

Throughout the Old Testmant God had a high regard for the marriage covenant. And in almost all stories it is through or in marriage that God fulfilled his promises, and guided people down the right path. God promised Abraham decendents as numerous as the stars in the Heaven. Abraham knew his wife was barren. Did he abandon her saying, God has promised me children, therefore has verified my right to break our marriage covenent? No. He stuck with his partner through the hard times, and then was rewarded with Issac.

The book of Tobit (a personal favorite!) is not only a guide on how to choose a good spouse, but is a beautiful outline of what marriage means and takes. Take the time to re-read this short book.

Getting Started

I have been feeling the call for several years that Jesus is asking me to write a book. Though I have always liked to write, and have dreamed of writing the next great novel since I was a kid; I am nervous that I wont live up to what Jesus is asking of me. I do trust that what He wills, He will make perfect! The Holy Spirit has been yelling at me since Christmas to get started. I have read tons of books on motherhood, housekeeping and marriage, but I am not an expert. I don't have the idealized perfect marriage (though I do feel I have a great marriage), and we are not perfect parents, but we communicate and try hard. I think that is what God asks of us, not perfection.

In this blog I will post my thoughts and ideas as often as I am able, hopefully once a day, and through this, hopefully start piecing together some chapters. I will try to limit my rants, but as anyone who knows me, knows I am good at those! I will say, it feels and looks awesome to finally see the title in print! Some chapters will be

• Marriage according to the Church
• The Marriage Vocation
• A Husbands Priorities
• A Wife's Priorities
• Children
• Your Marriage & Your Community

I know there is more, but this is what I have so far. I have debated hard on the title, whether or not to include the word Catholic. But since it is such a part of who I am, and so much of my little ways. I don't want to exclude Protestants, cause I do believe they will get much out of this as well, but without being in full union with the Church, much will be over their heads, or dismissed as unimportant. As someone who grew up a believer in the Methodist, Presbyterian churches, I know first hand that I didn't TRULY know God till I became a Catholic.

How wonderful the feeling in your heart when you finally start trusting God in a large matter, and take that first leap while holding tightly to His hand!