Priorities For Our Children

This weekend I had a mother say to me that in high school all the children are expected to be in all the clubs and on all the sports teams at the school. She said in high school one of their classes is study hall, just to do their daily homework because they have activities from 7:30 am till 7-8pm at night! We live in a small town and the total population of our school, grades Pre-K thru 12th is 150. Am I the only person in the world that sees a problem with this?? She also had the audacity to make the statement that "several kids have tried to move into our school, but don't get into all the activities and are therefore completely excluded and friendless." Am I the only person that finds this completely insane!!?? And then people wonder what is happening to our country and morals! Her philosophy is that it looks good on a resume.

That is all well and good, however, what is the goal of life? To get a high paying position, title and wealth? Or is it to get into Heaven? To be an obedient servant of God's? To love God and your neighbor? Where in all this business. busyness and pushing for the top position is God? As parents, it is our responsibility to our children, and to God, to teach them the virtues and priorities to be successful in this life, AND THE NEXT! How are we to do this, if we don't even see our kids? Kids should be taught to TRY new things, but it is not expected of them to be the best in ALL things. We are all given special talents and abilities by God, and it takes time to discover and nurture these talents so that we can use them for God. In order to discover what your talents are, and what God is wanting from your life, you must have QUIET, STILL hours in the day. If we want our children to develop virtues and morals they need to spend more hours a week with people who are demonstrating these virtues and morals, and who are willing to listen and talk with them openly about these morals and virtues. Who are these people? THEIR PARENTS! Family time needs to be a priority on a DAILY basis. Remember.. it is quantity time that leads to quality time.

Do you honestly think that all these so called friends, who are by definition, trying to best you in clubs and sports, going to give you the loving guidance, support, and trust, that parents are supposed to? Nope.

Sports are supposed to be a fun way to play with our friends and get some exercise; they are not a definition of our lives. Clubs and organizations are supposed to help us develop the interests and talents that we have, and a way for us to serve our community using those talents; they are not there as a "who can do the most" contest. We can not do everything or anything ourselves. We are dependent on God. Our relationship with Him is the priority of our lives, and our children's. We develop this relationship by spending time with Him. God doesn't want us to do everything. He has a specific job for each of us, not ALL of the jobs, that is why we are communities of lots of people, each of whom as a special place and ability to help the community.

If we exclude and shun people who "don't keep up" will we recognize God if he knocks on our door?

Things to think about..  

Another Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom

I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chou last week. I had heard a lot of discussion and controversy over it, and as a Mom who reads all the raising kids and discipline books I can find, I just had to read it. I am always on the hunt for ways to help my children become what I dream for them, and ways to give them the tools they will need to succeed in life.

I will admit that I believed her hypothesis before I even started "That Asian (Chinese) kids are harder working and more disciplined then Western (American) kids"; I went into it looking for pointers! It was a great read with a moving storyline and interesting situations. She was so brutally honest and open about how she was raising her daughters, the daily happenings, and how her family felt/dealt with it. It only took two evenings to read, which is a great length for busy mothers, another plus!
The way that she was successful at raising two high achieving daughters is that she pushed them to their best at all times, and was their mentor, spiritual director, teacher and coach. Though not a Christian, as I was reading, several Bible verses kept coming to mind. "Speak to your children of the way in the morning, in the noontime, and in the evening, and when they are old, they will not part from my ways." Along with several of the Proverbs that deal with working hard, patience and perseverance. If a child brought home even a B, they were given extra work and drills over the missed items. They were kept on a strict schedule of school work first, hobbies second, and those hobbies were chosen for them as toddlers (musical instruments). They were made to practice hours a day/weekend with lessons. Which brought to mind another saying that I often hear during the Olympics and while watching child prodigies "The more you practice, the easier you can makes things look!" She often told her daughters that they were better than B grades, and her daughters, as I believe all children would, believed it, and therefore learned to push themselves to higher levels, with her tutoring and encouraging; which brings me to another highly accepted parenting theory. That parents are the biggest influence on their children, and that all kids will imitate their parents spiritual and worldly virtues and morals from watching their example. The more time and effort parents put into forming their kids, the better the results they will see. Something that she was able to see with her second daughter. As a young teenager, her younger daughter quit the violin to persue tennis. While her mother disagreed with her decision, she was able to watch her daughter put into practice, on her own, the time, practice and commitment levels that she had pushed on her musically earlier in her life.

For this.. it takes more than an hour or two a day! Contrary to what several "experts" will tell you, it is quantity, not quality that counts when it comes to children; and failure on a child's part IS a reflection on the parents.

One point that I will disagree with Mrs. Chou on is the play dates and sleepover bans. Though I will say these should be a once/twice a year indulgences, not every weekend occurrences, they should be allowed to happen. These are opportunities for our children to put into practice on their own, the virtues and morals we have handed to them. We cannot completely protect our children from the world, and these small occurrences are circumstances for our children to make the right decisions on their own without us watching, they are also a glimpse of other peoples habits, virtues and morals, for our children to notice, and judge on.

I am recommending this book to all parents and grandparents. And as with all advice, take from this book that which will help you, and leave the rest.

Re-discovering Integrity

A wonderful article about teaching children integrity. As parents this is one of our most important tasks, next to teaching them to love God, love others, and to serve others; which is impossible without integrity. With integrity we achieve full responsibility for ourselves, high maturity, and virtuous lives.


Re-discovering Integrity

Spiritual Reading

I am finally reading Full of Grace by Johnnette Benkovic. We had to search and search for anything written by her. All our local bookstores and libraries don't stock books by any contemporary catholic authors it seems. Has been a challenge, and finally had to order it online. Guess that is purely a sign of the times. Seems more and more if you want something, you have to special order it, and have to pay with a credit card. So much for those of us trying to be smart with our money and not use credit cards! Oh well..

  As difficult as it may be to read a non fiction book with four kids and a husband running around, this one is worth it for women! She is so intelligent, insightful, and has a way of showing us how to incorporate God's teachings into our everyday lives. The goals and suggestions that she gives are doable! With women earning a prominent role in the modern world, and all the influence and power we seem to hold now, it is our responsibility to remember our true vocation given all women by God "To bring life into the world". Not only does this mean to have children, but to raise them well for God. But not only are we responsible for the spiritual bringing up of our children, but of ALL God's children that He places before us! She also outlines the virtues we need to nurture, the steps we need to take to create a deep prayer life, and practical ways we can live out this vocation in the course of our lives. She backs up all her premises with quotes from several different sources within the Catholic church, and personal encounters of her own. Remember your highlighter and pen each moment you get to sit with this book!


 Getting through a non-fiction book may take us a little longer, and we may have to re-read the same sentence 10 times, but they influence us to better ourselves and help us to grow closer to God. Give yourself a 15 minute period everyday to do this good. It will invigorate our minds like exercise does our bodies!

Back Up and Running

Our computer bit the dust a few weeks back, and we are finally up and running again! I was excited to see and hear about having other people who actually read this blog! Thanks Aunts! Now I will try to be more faithful to it. Been trying to get my house deep cleaned and organized for the start of the new school year. One more week! It is going well, and I am looking forward to some quieter mornings.

We have had some challenges the last couple of weeks, computer breaking, water pump out of Kevin's car, a couple other unexpected bills, and Kevin's Godfather passed away suddenly. It is harder in these times, it seems, to be faithful to God's will, and keeping him first when you have all these matters pressing in on you from all sides that seem to need to take a priority in your day. You can't let yourself slip from God as your center. He is your most important allie, and He gives us these challenges in hopes of drawing us closer to Him, and building our character. Like parents everywhere say "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!" Sufferings, even everyday ones, are graces from God. He only lets His closest friends suffer. How you choose to handle these sufferings, is the test. Will you give up and turn away into depression, or will you persevere, continue the fight and make God proud.

Making Decisions for the Greater Good

Sometimes in life you have a moment happen, almost without you realizing what is happening till it has happened. I am talking about the kind of moments that shock you down to your core and make you stop in your tracks realizing how far from your goals and morals and ethics you have just unknowingly strayed. These moments create an atmosphere to make what most would proclaim as a very hard decision, a very easy one to make after all! My husband and I had a moment as we were watching TV, a favorite show of ours, and heard one of the main people, someone we both looked to for encouragement and direction, say something so far from what it not only means to be a Catholic, but a Christian in general. And then to realize that our 9, 6, and 4 year old just heard it also. We reflected and discussed later the impact this statement may have on our kids, and the Bible verse came to my mind where Jesus is telling the people "If your eye causes you to sin, then gouge it out, of your right arm causes you to sin, then it is better to cut it off". We took a long hard look at the shows we were watching on TV, and what the kids were watching. Not they were all bad, as EWTN is the main channel our TV tuns into. I had already previously banned shows after reviewing with my daughters (ages 9 and 6) about how the characters behave and dress, and how they are with or against how God wants us to. So Hannah Montana and the like were quickly agreed all around to go, long before this incident. How easy it is to see someone else's habits as wrong before we see them in ourselves. My husband and I agreed to simply turn off our TV subscription. It has been a month, and not to worry, we are all okay! We are all reading more, playing together more, getting along easier, and getting chores done more quickly. The "I wants" are getting fewer also with the subtraction of all those commercials! I am not saying that everyone has to turn off their TV's, but I am saying you may want to evaluate what you are watching, and ask yourself, is this in accordance with the 10 commandments and, what deadly sins are these characters committing, and how are these shows forming my personality and idea of how I should be living my life!

Pray this next week, and following weeks; for graces and guidance in determining you and your family's TV viewing habits, and critically evaluate what is and is not bringing you closer to God, and to each other. Then pray for the grace and determination to make the changes.

Spiritual Reading

I have started a new book I got while on vacation, and it is one of those awe-inspiring "Duh!" books that I wish I would have had ten years ago! Graced and Gifted by Kimberly Hahn. I love all of Scott Hahn's writings, so I should not have been surprised that his wife would be any less off key! The book contains Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker's Heart. I am highly recommending it, and I am only half-way through it. There are phrases in here that stop you in your tracks!

The kids are out of school for the summer, and we went on a weeks vacation. We are finally getting into a summer routine that is healthy and nurturing. We have set goals and used those goals to created a guide for our days, and then make to-do lists on a daily basis. I find doing this, instead of a complete schedule works best for us. Some people need that strict guideline for their day, but I find life gets in the way too often; though during the school year I am more apt to follow a stricter schedule. One thing that I struggle with is getting up with the alarm clock. I like to negotiate and justify hitting snooze several times. In the book Mrs. Hahn quotes Saint Josemaria Escriva "Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If, with the help of God, you conquer yourself in that moment, you'll have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day." This really struck home for me, and I am seeing that alarm clock, set for 6am, in a whole new light. It is set at 6 so that I might have an hour and a half to 2 hours in the morning to myself before the children rise for some personal time with God and to start my day off calmly, and be able to collect my bearings, before chaos hits the house.Giving to God the first moments of our day, and giving Him our day, helps to align our days with His will for our day! Allow your spouse also, to have quiet time in the morning before they must leave for the chaos and trials of the world. It will strengthen them in God's will for them, and they will seek home as a sanctuary.

Use these moments, whether they are 10 minutes or an hour to pray silently to God, and also to listen to Him, and know His will for your day. Also use this time for Bible reading, study, or other spiritual reading. Reading and re-reading the Bible grows us closer to God, and reveals to us Jesus, and the Church, and the ways we should live. Spiritual reading of Catholic apologetics, lives of the Saints, and other religious guides such as Mr. and Mrs. Hahn's books, help us on this journey of our lives. We should also encourage our children to take time for prayer and spiritual reading as they grow, so that they have a firm grounding in how to maintain and care for themselves spiritually, not just physically before they leave us for the world as young adults.