Making Decisions for the Greater Good

Sometimes in life you have a moment happen, almost without you realizing what is happening till it has happened. I am talking about the kind of moments that shock you down to your core and make you stop in your tracks realizing how far from your goals and morals and ethics you have just unknowingly strayed. These moments create an atmosphere to make what most would proclaim as a very hard decision, a very easy one to make after all! My husband and I had a moment as we were watching TV, a favorite show of ours, and heard one of the main people, someone we both looked to for encouragement and direction, say something so far from what it not only means to be a Catholic, but a Christian in general. And then to realize that our 9, 6, and 4 year old just heard it also. We reflected and discussed later the impact this statement may have on our kids, and the Bible verse came to my mind where Jesus is telling the people "If your eye causes you to sin, then gouge it out, of your right arm causes you to sin, then it is better to cut it off". We took a long hard look at the shows we were watching on TV, and what the kids were watching. Not they were all bad, as EWTN is the main channel our TV tuns into. I had already previously banned shows after reviewing with my daughters (ages 9 and 6) about how the characters behave and dress, and how they are with or against how God wants us to. So Hannah Montana and the like were quickly agreed all around to go, long before this incident. How easy it is to see someone else's habits as wrong before we see them in ourselves. My husband and I agreed to simply turn off our TV subscription. It has been a month, and not to worry, we are all okay! We are all reading more, playing together more, getting along easier, and getting chores done more quickly. The "I wants" are getting fewer also with the subtraction of all those commercials! I am not saying that everyone has to turn off their TV's, but I am saying you may want to evaluate what you are watching, and ask yourself, is this in accordance with the 10 commandments and, what deadly sins are these characters committing, and how are these shows forming my personality and idea of how I should be living my life!

Pray this next week, and following weeks; for graces and guidance in determining you and your family's TV viewing habits, and critically evaluate what is and is not bringing you closer to God, and to each other. Then pray for the grace and determination to make the changes.

Spiritual Reading

I have started a new book I got while on vacation, and it is one of those awe-inspiring "Duh!" books that I wish I would have had ten years ago! Graced and Gifted by Kimberly Hahn. I love all of Scott Hahn's writings, so I should not have been surprised that his wife would be any less off key! The book contains Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker's Heart. I am highly recommending it, and I am only half-way through it. There are phrases in here that stop you in your tracks!

The kids are out of school for the summer, and we went on a weeks vacation. We are finally getting into a summer routine that is healthy and nurturing. We have set goals and used those goals to created a guide for our days, and then make to-do lists on a daily basis. I find doing this, instead of a complete schedule works best for us. Some people need that strict guideline for their day, but I find life gets in the way too often; though during the school year I am more apt to follow a stricter schedule. One thing that I struggle with is getting up with the alarm clock. I like to negotiate and justify hitting snooze several times. In the book Mrs. Hahn quotes Saint Josemaria Escriva "Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If, with the help of God, you conquer yourself in that moment, you'll have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day." This really struck home for me, and I am seeing that alarm clock, set for 6am, in a whole new light. It is set at 6 so that I might have an hour and a half to 2 hours in the morning to myself before the children rise for some personal time with God and to start my day off calmly, and be able to collect my bearings, before chaos hits the house.Giving to God the first moments of our day, and giving Him our day, helps to align our days with His will for our day! Allow your spouse also, to have quiet time in the morning before they must leave for the chaos and trials of the world. It will strengthen them in God's will for them, and they will seek home as a sanctuary.

Use these moments, whether they are 10 minutes or an hour to pray silently to God, and also to listen to Him, and know His will for your day. Also use this time for Bible reading, study, or other spiritual reading. Reading and re-reading the Bible grows us closer to God, and reveals to us Jesus, and the Church, and the ways we should live. Spiritual reading of Catholic apologetics, lives of the Saints, and other religious guides such as Mr. and Mrs. Hahn's books, help us on this journey of our lives. We should also encourage our children to take time for prayer and spiritual reading as they grow, so that they have a firm grounding in how to maintain and care for themselves spiritually, not just physically before they leave us for the world as young adults.

I have been neglecting my blog and my prayers the past couple of weeks. I can easily blame it on the hectic year end schedule and all the chaos of extra and unexpected bills, and I have just been completely exhausted the past couple of weeks, and haven't been sleeping well. The sad part is that instead of sitting in front of facebook games, I should have been praying more and opening up on this blog more.

 Jesus told me I need to start making it more personable, instead of just trying to get pages researched and written. This blog should be more about life, real life, real problems, chaos and real talk with solutions. So here goes!

When you feel yourself pulling away from God when things start getting too real, the easiest thing to do is to walk around in a fog, whining about your failures. It takes trust and discipline to keep praying and trusting in God. To keep Hope. When you feel this happening in your life, stop and say a short prayer acknowledging these feelings and asking for the grace to see past them, and to keep your eyes on Him. This is also when it is good to know some saints that can help you. Something that you should do is choose a Patron Saint for your marriage and family. Ours is St. Michael the Archangel, the great defender, and he has never failed us! Pray and ask Jesus which saint is best for you and your family. He will guide you to the one that is best for your life.

It is shameful that when things start going against plan or schedule the first thing we neglect is God, when in reality this should be the time that we turn to him more. He wants to talk with us about our concerns and worries and problems just as much as being praised for all the good things, times, and graces that He gives us! It is also wrong that when things get stressful in life, it is your spouse that you neglect second. The other morning I awoke to see my husband sitting on the couch praying. I knew he was praying for me and for us, and it really opened my eyes to what I have been neglecting, and I thank God that I have been given such a wonderful husband who is trying his hardest to be the man and husband that God intends him to be. Husbands remember that it is you that sets the tone of your home and family, the stronger you are spiritually, the stronger your wife and children will become.


It is okay to fail, but it is not okay to just lie there wallering in your own misery. You must get up, apologize, pray, brush yourself off and try again!

Showing God Respect

Another aspect to keeping God as your number one priority is to respect Him. By this, I mean several things, first is to do your best to follow the 10 commandments without complaining, and to apologize when you fail. Honor the Pope and ALL of the Church's teachings and doctrines as directives from God Himself, because they are. Recognizing that the rules handed down by the Church are rules handed down from God for your own good. They are there to help you stay on the narrow path to sainthood. Remember this truth: individual people are imperfect sinners, but the Church is infaliable in it's doctrine's. Jesus himself makes sure of it, He has promised it, and He never fails to fulfill His promises!

Other practical and small ways to respect God is to not take the Lord's name in vain. The phrase "Oh my God" is one that is in way to wide a use these days. It is one thing to say it in response to shocking and devastating news, another when you are gossiping or mocking someone! Being faithful to God in the smallest matters, makes it easier to be faithful in the largest ones.

Another important way to show God respect is dressing and behaving appropriately at mass, and other Church related functions. You wouldn't wear flip flops and jeans to meet the president, therefore you should not wear them to feast with Jesus! The proper attire for attending mass is dresses for women and girls that are at least knee length, and that do not show the bust, back or shoulders; and dress pants (slacks or khaki's) for men and boys with at least a nice polo shirt if not a button-front shirt with tie. Also mind your shoes are clean and appropriate for the clothing choice. It is also still customary, to show humility before God, for women to wear a mantle, and it is inappropriate for ladies to cross their legs during mass. You should sit with your knees together and feet tucked under the pew. I get so angry when I see people, especially the alter helpers and song leaders wearing tank tops and flip flops. That is disgusting! Proper mass behavior is to follow the local Parish customs of when to sit, stand and kneel, to sing the songs, to shack hands, to listen to the readers and Homily with proper eye contact and mental focus, to bow before approaching the alter and Eucharist, and to not talk before and during mass. Before mass is to be used for inner reflection and to prepare yourself for receiving the Lord. During mass, all the angels are prostrated in prayer and awe, the least you can do is not chit chat about where to go for lunch afterwards!

It is also your responsibility to teach your children to do these things as well. If they are taught from the beginning what is appropriate dress and behavior they will grow into teen-agers and adults who respect God. Dress your kids correctly and teach them to behave properly right from the start. For my kids I have them following along, doing all motions by the end of first grade.

Ways to Keep God First

It is all very good and well to say that God is your top priority, but is He truly? Sometimes we have to take some time to do an examination of conscience, and take an honest look deep within ourselves. Some time in a quiet place to look at our weaknesses and strengths, which virtues do we need to work on, which sins have a hold of us, where and how we spend this precious time that God has given us, and what goals are we striving towards. It may take more than an afternoon. I have often times spent weeks and up to a month working on this on occasion. It is good to do this at least once a year, or those times in your life when you feel nothing you do is right, may be a sign that you are the problem, not others. I am going to call these "tips" because they do not have to be done in any certain order, you can start all today, or do one at a time; and there is no time frame for "completing" them. They are tips for things that should be integrated into your daily life, and become a part of you, not something checked off a to do list, and then move on with your life.

As Catholics we have a perfect way to help keep us centered on this examination and keeping God first; the sacrament of Reconciliation, confession. The more often that you go, and the more honest that you are in confession, the closer you come to Jesus. Remember that it is Jesus speaking to you in the confessional, He is just using a priest to speak through. It is good to look for a spiritual director, if you are lucky enough to have more than once priest at your Parish, go to all, and see which one fits with you, and who understands you, who you can have open discussions with. Though it doesn't have to be a Priest at all; it can be anyone who you trust to be honest with you, and who holds your eternal salvation as a high priority, who wants to see you achieve Sainthood! It can be your spouse, parent, sibling, friend. Pray for a spiritual director, and Jesus will point one out to you. He did for me, and for many Saints that I have read about who searched for a spiritual director as well. St. Faustina Kowalska was granted a vision of the priest who was to be her spiritual director so clearly that when she met him at a retreat, she recognized him from afar, and thanked Jesus. Receiving reconciliation and speaking with a director will help you keep your weaknesses, strengths, virtues, and temperaments pointed toward eternity with God. If you do not have a spiritual director start praying and your search today. Eternal salvation is more important than today's game!

The second item that will help keep God the top priority is prayer. Go so far as to make a list of the prayers that you would ideally want to pray on a daily, weekly, monthly and seasonal basis. Then start putting them into your schedule. It is okay to add one at a time. You don't want to burn out, you want to grow into this life. The more you say prayers, the more you will know God, therefore the more you will talk to God, and the more He will become the most important person in your world. God wants us to pray to Him constantly. He wants our whole lives to be a prayer. Most of us have daily planners or at least a to do list. Add your prayers to this list. Trust me, it is okay! It will help you keep focused on them while they are becoming habits. We all have habits, good ones and bad ones. It is easier for the bad ones to sneak in before you realize what is happening. We have to work on the good habits! My daily prayers are Morning offering, grace before each meal, a rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and bedtime prayers. I also love to pray openly, having simple conversations with Jesus while I am washing the dishes, or scrubbing the bathroom, or driving down the road. If you miss a scheduled prayer, stop and do it as soon as you realize it, but before you start, apologize to God, this will help keep you accountable as to what is your top priority, and with God as number one priority in our lives, most of our day should be in prayer. Other prayers that can be special non-daily ones are prayers to Saints on their feasts, and when you need their help. I like to say the Litany of Humility, and the Divine Mercy Novena, and my husband or I attend Holy Hour for Life once a month. Search for prayers, and devotions that pertain to your journey, and start to implement those into your life. Another way to pray is to offer things to God. Offer your pain both physically and mentally to Jesus in reparation for past sins, for the sins of others, or for intentions such as an end to abortion, or to help someone who is in purgatory. You can also offer a chore you do not want to perform, or a conversation with someone that is difficult. This is a way to make your life a prayer.

Another way to keep God as number one is to attend mass at least once a week; daily if possible. Mass is offered daily at every Catholic church, surly there is a time that you can make. Though I like to watch daily mass on EWTN because it is hard to keep my toddlers still in the pew. Though it may not be commonly talked about, but missing mass on Sunday is a sin, unless you are ill, attending to someone who is ill, or if there is no mass in your area.You must confess missing mass in confession. Attend all Holy days of obligations, and feasts that are important to you and your family. We love all the masses of Holy Week.

Another tip is to read spiritual books. Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, read about the Saints, read the Saints writings, read the Encyclicals of the Pope, and past Popes. I like to spend spend 15-30 minutes in the morning before the kids get up reading, or on a rainy day when the kids are watching a movie, sit and read something. Also, read the Bible daily. Even if it is just the four daily mass readings, or one chapter, or even a couple of verses of a chapter. Ignorance of the scriptures is ignorance of God. This doesn't mean that you have to memorize it, though there will be lines that you will memorize just because you love them and they mean something to you! They also make all these onto cd's that you can listen to in your car. My husband likes to do this since his job is driving, and he has a 80 mile commute back and forth every day.

Another tip is to keep pictures and statues and crucifix's around our homes. When you look up from the TV or computer, and see Jesus or Mary or a Saint staring at you, you will think of God; you may even turn off what you are doing! My husband and I have almost achieved putting a crucifix in every room of our home. This was my husbands idea, and truly the kids love it as well. One of my sons always likes to know where Jesus is!

Another tip is to work on improving your virtues. Know what the deadly sins are, and what the different virtues are. Then know yourself and which ones you need to work on. Jesus will help you, and He will bless your efforts. Apologize when you fail, and just try harder next time. Remember not all Saints were born saints. Most of them had to work hard to achieve sainthood, as most of us souls will have to do. For encouragement I recommend Confessions by St. Augustine, and read about St. Francis of Assisi. Benjamin Franklin was known to carry a small pad of paper where he would keep a tally of his failures in virtues and sins; so that he could better know himself.

Another tip is to learn the Church's position on social and political issues, so that you are not lead blindly into mortal sin. The truth is the truth, and a lie is a lie, no matter how many people believe a truth is a lie and a lie is a truth. Earth is a spiritual battleground between God and Satan; this is a truth, don't let anyone tell you any different. And if you are not fighting WITH God, you are against Him. Find a cause that means something to you, or one that God is pointing to you, and then help spread the truth, and work towards it's distruction.

Through these, you will grow closer to Jesus, and you will succeed at keeping God truly as your top priority. You will be able to hear Jesus voice clearer and be able to discern what is right and wrong, and what He is calling you to do with this life He has given you, and you will clearly see the path that He has laid before you on your journey to Heaven. And you will be equipped to help your spouse, and your children along their path as well.

Your Marriage & Your Community

As followers of Christ we are called to proclaim and teach the world about Christ and the amazing miracles of who He is, and what He has done for us. We are baptised sons and daughters of God; we are confirmed soldiers of God in the spirtual battle of good and evil; and we recieve the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation for our strength. My personal view is to leave the Bible thumping to the Protestants, and for us Catholics to lead by example. Just like the children's song "They will know we are Christians by our..", they will know we are Catholics by our lives.

But how does this apply to your marriage? In this destructive age that we are living in, a society that is trying to murder God's children, and marriage itself, it is even more important than ever that TRUE marriage is displayed as an awe inspiring goal for the rest of society. Your true Catholic marriage is a light shinning in these dark times. To participate in the community as a family, you are showing the people on the streets how important marriage and family is, and what a marriage can accomplish. What a real marriage, between one man and one woman, was meant to be by God. You may not be shouting it from the rooftops, but the average person or child passing by, or being helped by you, will see your example, and will not forget it. By sticking together through the hard times, and the good; by our morals and ethics shown through our actions, priorities, and children's behavior; by our inner joy and peace that will shine through us while we are living our lives according to the Catholic doctrine, and trusting in Jesus;  being available to help and serve God through our participation with our neighbors and communities.

Choose activities that you can do together as a unit. Participate in community events and games, join and/or volunteer at local organizations such as your local Pro-Life group, Ministry Center, school Parent-Teacher organizations, Boy and Girl Scout troops, Habitat for Humanity, Relay For Life, etc. The key is to learn what your talents are individually and together and then search for groups and activites that suite your God given talents and gifts; and then get the whole family involved.

We are also called to love our neighbors, and we can show this love by volunteering in our communities with our time and money. Be the neighbor that your community can count on. I must also warn here, not to take on too much. Pray before you start anything, and ask whether this is something that Jesus wants you to spend your time on. We are all given different gifts, and so not everything is suited for everyone. Also, remember your list of priorities, and if your community participation starts to take priority over your top 4, then you need to step back and take a good look at what you are doing, and if you need to cut back, or delegate more out. One or two Parish committees, and one or two community organizations are plenty. More or less, depending on what position you take within these groups, and your family size and age, and your job demands.

On Having Babies

The objectives of the marriage vocation are 1. To help lead your spouse to sanctity. 2. To cooperate with God in the procreation of new life (to have kids!) 3. To raise up new souls for Heaven. A call to the marriage vocation, is a call to be parents. As a Catholic you are to be open to getting pregnant at all times, unless serious reasons not to exsist. The serious reason is that a pregancy holds a high risk factor for the mother's death, while there are still young children at home to care for. The size of your house, the model and year of your car, your education level and financial status's are NOT reasons to prevent or postpone pregnancy.

Therefore, we must spend time talking about having babies. When you get married, and say your vows, one of them is that you will be open to new life, and are willing to raise children. The Catholic Church's position on contraception is that it is evil. It removes God from the center of your marriage, where He should be. Using contraception in my view is like spitting in Jesus' face! When you take that pill or shot, or whatever you use, you are saying to God "I want what I want, when I want, and I don't trust you or care about you; only me at this moment in time!" This is what contraception says in the spiritual realm. Tubal ligations and vasectomies are worse. They are mortal sins due to the fact they are self-mutalation.

Health wise, all forms of contraception are very harmful to women, and to men. Let's visit a few of the main ones used today, and the common side effects, short and long term. There are literally hundreds of books and resources that have published all of this material. I will take excerts and statistics from the 4th Edition of the Art of Natural Family Planning, because that is what I happen to have on hand this morning to refer to easily. The number one form of birth control used in the USA today is abortion. In 2003 26.4% of abortions where committed by married women. Besides the FACT and TRUTH that abortion at ANY day of a pregnancy is murder, they also cause unmeasreable amount of grief, remorse and depression in both the woman and man involved in the killing. Abortion is also linked to breast cancer. If you have even 1 abortion your chances of getting breast cancer doubles! It is also makes it harder to get pregnant when you want to, the misscarriage rate increases. Also, side effects and birth defects in future children have been reported. There is also a high risk of dying yourself, from the killing of your child. If you have had an abortion, please take the opportunity for Mercy and forgiveness given to you by Jesus, and go to confession. He WILL have mercy on you, and He WILL forgive you. Then, I would like to direct you towards Rachel's Vinyard.org.

The pill. All forms of the pill, as well as the Depo shot, and Norplant implants are in their roots, chemical abortifacients. These chemicals cause suppression of ovulation, thicken the cervical mucus (making it hard for sperm to get through) and makes it harder for the baby to attach to the endometrium. The pill's also affect the Fallopian tubes and Corpus luteum. In 2003 research estimated that 25% of ovulations that women had while on the pill resulted in pregnancy and subsequent early abortion. Of all the women on the pill, that estimates to 1,945,800 babies every YEAR aborted by the pill. That is higher than the surgical abortion rate. The pills are also linked to breast caner, cervical cancer, liver tunors, heart attacks, brain hemorrhage, strokes, and blood clotting defects. Also, it is linked to having trouble concieving when you are ready, depending on how long you used it, it may take years for your body to heal itself.

 But, how does this effect men, and the rest of the world whether or not you choose to take the pill. We share the same water supply. Just like taking all medications, the chemicals (such as the abortifacants and estrogen hormones) are excreeded when you use the restroom. They then travel to the water supply. Most water treatment plants do not have the capabilities to clean these chemicals from the water, therefore they travel back to homes in tap water. And are consumed by women, men, and children. These chemicals and hormones are starting to show their effects on the rest of society. Young girls are starting their peiods at earlier and earlier ages. Boys and men are showing higher estrogen levels in their systems leading to lower testosterone levels and sperm counts. These conditions, especially in males can lead to self confusion, and depression. I don't think that I am stretching it here, to say that this is linked to the high rates of infertility and homosexuality, and suicide in the United States. I would also like to add a sentence about these products being pushed on women in third world countries, and the lack of doctors and hospitals in their areas capable of handling all the side effects.

Barrier methods include condoms, caps, diaphragms, foams, jellies, sponge, spermicides. Though these items have less serious health risks to the man and woman using them, they are also very ineffective, I believe at last count 95%; and have serious side effects for the baby and future babies. They double your risk of miscarriages in the first three months then other women. They have (especially while used in conjuntion with spermicide) also been linked to birth defects, and preeclampsia. There is also a high risk of having an allergic reaction or developing toxic shock syndrome. Withdrawl is extremely ineffective, and just flat out not worth it to the man, and the woman involved.

Tubal Ligations and Vasectomies: Though not highly publicized, Post-Tubal Ligation or Post-Sterilization Syndrome is very common. Some symptoms are unterine bleeding, more painful periods, pain during intercourse, and pelvic pain. Many of these symptoms lead to having to have a hysterectomy. You may also have an ecoptic pregnancy. Both tubals and vasectomuies are not 100% effective! Ecoptic pregnancies end in the death of the baby, and maybe the mother if not treated soon enough. There are high surgical risks, especially when done within 14 days of giving birth. Women have died from cardiac failure, wounds of the bowels, bladder, and large blood vessals. These are cause by inflating the abdomen with nitrous oxide to perform the surgery, intra-abdominal explosions have occured. So why not let you husband just have a vasectomy? Because it CAUSES prostate cancer.

So what can Catholic's do when there is a grave reason not to get pregnant. I am just now starting to learn this. At the birth of my third child in 2005, I was told my uterious was thin. At the birth of my fourth child in 2008, my doctor told me that my uterious was paper thin, and that if I was to get pregnant again, I have a high chance of miscarriage or hemorrage which may lead to my death if not treated quickly. For us, for the first time in our marriage, we are having to deal with prevention. There are three approved methods of pregnacy prevention and delaying in the Catholic church. The first is abstinence, the second in Natural Family Planning (NFP), and the third is breastfeeding. All of these methods are natural, they work with the bodies normal functioning. Abstinence is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective. There has only been one case in all of human history when a woman practicing abstinence got pregnant. Mary is a glorious exception, and you are not her! Breastfeeding, besides being the best food for your baby, and the best way for your body to heal after childbirth, will naturally space children about 2 years apart. I breatfeed all 4 of my kids for their first year, and I did not ovulate until they were weaning; though there are some women who do. There is also prayer. Since I learned the news of my uterus, I have been praying for God to heal me. He wants to know your concerns and thoughts on all matters of your life, including your motherhood and fatherhood. Talk to Him, and he will listen, but in the end, you must TRUST in Jesus, that he knows what is best for us. Remember He can see past and future, He knows more than we do.

NFP is a method of charting not only your daily waking temperatures, but it is also observing external and internal signs that you are ovulating. This method asks that you abstain during the 7-14 days of the month that pregancy is likely to result. You learn these from your charts. NFP is also the best method for people who are struggling with infertitly to achieve pregnancy, by not abstaining these 7-14 days. There are textbooks, classes, and groups to help you learn. NFP is a lifestyle, not a medicine! Some resources for you are available at ccli.org.